I've been asked to write a polocrosse verse or two
So I'm here to give you a spectators view
I've been watching you all for quite some time
I'm an experienced scribe for this rhyme.

 We need a time keeper, can you score?
It's time to start chukkas six by four
I look at the clock and try to get it to work
Can't get the thing going, they'll think I'm a jerk.

We're off and running, the ball's gone out the side
"Time off" says the Umpy and goes for a ride
The games pretty close and I'm jumping up and down
Geez it's a long chukka they say with a frown.

I look down at the clock and try to hide my disdain
The bloody things stopped, I didn't turn it on again
Games over, the bell's rung but you're all pretty deaf
So we do the Watusi in front of the Ref.

This scoring is nerve wracking, think I'll change my job
Have a go at goal keeping and catch a lob
So I saunter on down with a smile on my face
Didn't know what I was in for when they changed the pace.

The ball should be thrown with just a dribble
Not an angle but right in the middle
I prefer a pea shooter not the cannonball run
Don't want to be skittled, I'm just here for the fun.

Now I've done all the jobs and I'm on the sideline
Think I can handle spectating and I'm doing just fine
But I'm like a beacon, all the bees come to the pot
As I stand like a statue, can you mind this lot.

Geez you're a legend can you hold me jacket?
Oh, while you're there put the ball in me racquet
A spur's adrift flung high in the air
If I stand here long enough I'll get a pair.

Then there's the weather with all its changes
Hail, rain or shine even snow on the ranges
Never mind all the dust, wind, mud and grit
Better watch where you're walking as you slip in the shit.

It's Saturday night and we're all chums again
As the night marches on the rum dulls the pain
Many a sore head has greeted the morn
No wonder you don't play at the crack of dawn.

I've often been asked why don't I play too
I'm not crazy, do you think I'm a silly old moo?
I've seen all the knocks, sore heads and shin bones
All the Ambo's on side with their mobile phones.

I'm pretty sure you're all bloody nuts
Or may be you've all got a lot of guts
A Motley Crew, a Dimboola hotch'n'potch
I've come to the conclusion, I just like to watch.

by Janis Brown

(Janis' poem won first prize at the Club Variety Show at
the NSW Club Championships held at Bungendore, 1998).